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Post by kopycat on Mar 6, 2007 22:19:03 GMT -4
Post your political jokes and cartoons here.
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Post by mad4martinis on Mar 23, 2007 12:42:13 GMT -4
Most on this site won't like this joke, but here goes!!
Question: How many members of the Bush Administration does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: TEN.
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed; 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed; 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb; 4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness; 5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for a new light bulb; 6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor and standing on a step ladder, under the banner "Bulb Accomplished"; 7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally "in the dark" the whole time; 8. Another one to viciously smear # 7; 9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along; 10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing in a light bulb and screwing the country.
And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never actually managed to change the light bulb.
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manape
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Post by manape on Mar 23, 2007 15:47:52 GMT -4
Funny Maddie. I liked it. Let's not leave the Democrats out. HoneyBee won't like it.
Hillary's Deal With the Devil
Hillary was finishing up a day as Senator for New York when the Devil suddenly appeared in her office and made her an offer...
"I am here to offer you a deal," the Devil said. "I will give you unlimited wealth, even more power, and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constituents."
Hillary pondered for a moment and then asked, "Unlimited wealth and power?"
"Absolutely unlimited," the Devil asserted.
"A pandering media?" she asked.
"They'll fall over themselves to support you, no matter what you say or do," the Devil assured.
"And you want my soul, my family's souls, and the souls of my constituents?" she asked.
"Yes. All of them," the Devil answered.
Hillary was deep in thought for a moment, then finally spoke:
"So...what's the catch?"
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manape
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Post by manape on Mar 23, 2007 15:53:49 GMT -4
This one is for the Independent voters:
The Great Wizard of Oz
The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and came before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?"
Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly:" I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well........., I.......I think I need a brain."
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up stepped George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"Is Dorothy here?"
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Post by mad4martinis on Mar 23, 2007 15:58:44 GMT -4
Those are both good ones too!! I dread Hilary & what will happen. She was already President for 8 years while her husband was enjoying the cigars!
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manape
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Post by manape on Mar 23, 2007 18:33:59 GMT -4
Mad4martinis you make this world a better place. I'm glad there are a few people here who don't take life too seriously.
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Post by Justin Melick on Mar 23, 2007 20:19:25 GMT -4
She does. Her and her husband are great people. Even if she does say awful things about my poor hero President Bush.
-Justin
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Post by mad4martinis on Mar 23, 2007 22:14:08 GMT -4
Awww, you're so sweet Justin!! thanks. Yeah, I'm out of my daddy's Will now for bashing Fauz news & Baby Bush!!!
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Post by summerose on Mar 27, 2007 9:46:01 GMT -4
Loved the joke about the independant voters.....very funny!
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manape
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Post by manape on Mar 29, 2007 18:06:34 GMT -4
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Post by summerose on Apr 18, 2007 15:27:00 GMT -4
A man walks into a bar and is greeted by a picture of an elephant in red, white, and blue. "Take that down," he tells the owner. "The GOP is a blight upon this nation." "You can't tell me how to run my business!" the republican yells. "What if I came to your bar and told you what to do?" "You'd be the customer, so you'd be right." "Then let's switch," the bartender says, sitting at the bar. "Now take off that donkey pin. Liberals are destroying America." "Sorry" he says "we don't serve Republicans here."
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Post by Justin Melick on Apr 19, 2007 12:28:41 GMT -4
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD...?....?...?...?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that
he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT"
problems before adding "NEW" problems.
________________________________________________________________________
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not
live his life like the rest of the chickens.
________________________________________________________________________
GEORGE W BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken
is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
________________________________________________________________________
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road...
________________________________________________________________________
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
________________________________________________________________________
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
____________________________________________________________________
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it
in his eyes and the way he walks.
________________________________________________________________________
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
________________________________________________________________________
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had
a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the
price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
________________________________________________________________________
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
________________________________________________________________________
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
________________________________________________________________________
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in
front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's
why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media
whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That
chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
________________________________________________________________________
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
________________________________________________________________________
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to
the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long
dream of crossing the road.
________________________________________________________________________
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
________________________________________________________________________
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
________________________________________________________________________
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
check book. Internet Explorer is a integral part of eChicken. This
new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C . .... reboot.
________________________________________________________________________
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath
the chicken? ________________________________________________________________________
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
__________________________________________________________________
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
__________________________________________________________________
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
__________________________________________________________________
Dick CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
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Post by summerose on Apr 19, 2007 20:52:07 GMT -4
Very funny! Thanks for sharing Justin.
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manape
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Post by manape on Jul 16, 2007 18:15:58 GMT -4
Here is a universal political joke. Substitute any name and place your want to:
John Kerry sits down at the bar with a smelly old parrot on his shoulder. The bar tender says, "where'd you get that disgusting thing?" and the parrot says, "Massachusetts". - Kevin Duggan, Dubuque, IA
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Post by zhelton on Jul 16, 2007 22:31:25 GMT -4
That's a good place to find disgusting things...
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