Biker Jokes (somewhat offensive)

[babe]

One day, two redneck bikers named Bubba and Earl were riding down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. As they pulled around a curve in the road, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles in the ditch."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', okay?" said Earl.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles i the ditch and slapped the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Have you boys been drinking?"
"No sir," said Earl, "We're on the patch."

[babe]

A biker absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by stuffing him in his saddle bags and dropping him 20 blocks from his home at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Riding back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to ride a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a-of-a-***** on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"

[babe]

A group of bikers decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic. "What's logic?" the first biker asked.
The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"I sure do."
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good!" said the biker.
The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The biker was catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I can't wait to take that logic class!"
The biker, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friends was still waiting. "So what classes are ya takin' ?" asked one of his friends .
"Math, history, and logic!" replied the biker.
"What in the Hell is logic?" asked his friend.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the biker.
"No," his friend replied.
"You're queer, ain't ya?"

[babe]

This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her 67 year old biker husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.
He watches her awhile then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?"
She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.
He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"
She says, "Well, your name never came up."

[babe]

This biker has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night the doorbell rings.
The biker answers it and a kid standing there says, "Hi, I'm Freddy. I'm here to pick up Betty. We're gonna go eat spaghetti. Is she ready?" The biker, mildly amused calls down his daughter and the two leave.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings again and he answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I'm Jim. I'm here to see Kim. We're gonna go for a swim. Can I come in?" The guy, now perplexed, says, "Yes." and the two take off.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings and again the father answers. A standing there says, "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo. We're gonna go to the show. Can she go?" The man, now kind of annoyed says, "Yes." the two depart.
Sure enough, a few minutes later the door rings and the father answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I'm Chuck.." The biker shot him.

[babe]

A biker and his wife are having a terrible fight at the breakfast table.
The biker gets up in a rage and walks out yelling, "and you are not any good in bed either" as he storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends.
He calls his wife and after at least a dozen rings she answers the phone.
Again irritated the biker says "what took you so long to answer the phone"? She says, "I was in bed". "In bed this late in the day, doing what"?
"I was getting a second opinion" she replied

[babe]

Two different style bikers had just been convicted on bullshit drug charges and were about ready to be sentenced. The judge said to them, "Your sentence will be based on your ability to get boys off of drugs. Go to the local high school and do your best to convince the boys there to give up drugs. The one that does the best will get the lightest sentence." The next week, the two bikers are back in court.
"So what happened" said the judge.
The first biker who ride a rice burner said, "I got 2 boys to give up drugs." "That's very impressive," said the judge.
"How did you do it?"
"Well" said the rice rider said, "I put a dime and a quarter side by side. I told the boys to look at the coins. See the quarter? That's your brain before you do drugs. See the dime? That's your brain after you do drugs."
"Very impressive" said the judge.
When it was the next biker turn the Harley rider told the judge he had got 200 boys to quit drugs, the judge was incredulous.
"How in the world did you do that!" he said.
"Well" said the Harley rider. "I put a dime and a quarter side by side. I told the boys that if they did drugs, they would get caught. Then I said, see the dime? That's your not a very nice person before you go into prison. See the Quarter? That's your a s s when you come out."

[queenbee]

Forum editing kind of takes away from the whole effect of the joke

[babe]

Actually they were already edited. LOL

[babe]

Ok one edit. Minor one but I fixed it lol.