Why I Owe My Mother

[taylor]

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE-

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning in here."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION -

"Oh! You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC -

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC -

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT -

"Always make sure you wear clean underwear just in case you're ever in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY -

"Keep on crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -

"Will you just look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA -

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER -

"This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it!"

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE -

"I brought your behind into this world, and I can take your behind out!"

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY -

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do. Be thankful."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -

"Oh! You just wait until we get home!"

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING -

"You are SO going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP -

"Go put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR -

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT -

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS -

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS -

"Shut that door behind you! Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM -

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE -

"'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

[summerose]

LOL! I remember some of those very well.