Post by imadandy on Sept 16, 2007 11:22:52 GMT -4
My daughter, 12 years old, came home from school on Thursday telling the worst horror I've ever heard in our local school systems. I know that times are changing, I can deal with that, I know that generations of parents have changed, I can deal with that as well. But when violence enters our schools in a way such as this, it's time for someone to stand up and say something and show these kids that we're not playing and we won't stand for it.
She proceeded to tell me this story: During school, there were 4 girls who walked into the bathroom. They all went into the last stall, the largest one, and started literally beating the crap out of each other. One had a girl by her hair and was banging her head into the concrete wall. All the while, there was a girl with her camera/cell phone who was video'ing the entire thing. This had been premeditated in order to put the video on YouTube and MySpace. One girl suffered some severe head injuries. This action was heard in the hallway and a teacher responded. This teacher immediately figured out what they were doing with the video and deleted from the girl's cell phone.
Now! Unfortunately, I know one of the attackers and have known her since she was a small baby. I also knew a couple of the others from previous friendships with my daughter. I have seen first-hand how easily a fight can break out between girls. This is something that has been happening since the beginning of time. Even my own daughter was in a fist fight at her own birthday party when slapped between the eyes with a ring that left a red dot on her forehead. She retaliated and I had to break them up. Needless to say, I was very upset, disappointed, hurt, scared, and really worried about the poor girl she had just beat up. I want everyone to understand this... this girl that came to the party said she wasn't coming so my daughter thought it would be okay to go ahead and invite other girls who were not very good friends of hers. When her and her mother showed up at my door, I was quite surprised, but glad that she had came and was happy to see her mother after all these years out of school. Her mother and I had always had a really good friendship in school as well as when we saw each other out in public. Her daughter turned around and called her boyfriend on her cell phone and had his mother drop him off in my driveway without my permission. When I realized he was there, (I was busy cooking for the girls), I immediately told my daughter to tell her to have him leave. When she found the girl, she was in my daughter's bedroom, IN THE FLOOR, with her boyfriend!!! My daughter was very upset and told her to get him out of her room and to call his mom to come get him because she was getting her into trouble with ME. When she said this, the girl reached up and back-handed my daughter between the eyes and told her "GO TO H**L". Welp... that's all it took. She jerked her up out of that floor and proceeded to beat her tail. NO... I DO NOT CONDONE THIS ACTION! I was HORRIFIED and extremely upset. I had just had surgery in February on my back and was still supposed to be in bed at this point in my recovery. But I wanted my daughter to have a nice party with her friends. With LORD KNOWS HOW MANY stitches still in my lower back, I ran up the stairs and dragged my daughter off of her and sent her to her room. This girl kept saying she was so sorry and that she didn't mean to and for me to please not tell her mom. I took her downstairs and sat down with her to call her Mom to come pick her up. We talked until her Mom got there. During this time, she was constantly rubbing her neck with her hands making her neck red. I asked her why she was doing that and she told me it was what she does when she's nervous. I apologized for my daughter's behavior toward her and she kept saying over and over, "no, it's my fault, I'm sorry..." and cried her eyes out. I told her that I don't allow things like that in my home, therefore, she had to leave.
Then? Her parents showed up. When her Mom came in the door, she immediately asked me what happened. As I started explaining to her what her daughter had done to mine, she immediately brushed me off and asked her daughter to tell her "the real story". Her daughter stood there right to her face and said, "I don't know why she did it...(crying)... I was just sitting in her room looking at her posters and she started beating me up for no reason". When I heard that, my jaw dropped! I said, "No, please "..", tell her the truth just like you and all the others told me just a few seconds ago!" Her mother immediately got in my face and said, "MY DAUGHTER DOES NOT LIE PAIGE!!!!!!!" God knows, I had to stand there and represent in front of those other kids that violence wasn't the answer, but I was so angry, it took all that I had to do so. Her mother started on and on about her perfect daughter all the while, her daughter was standing there glaring at mine. I let it go. I told her politely to leave and never come back on my property. That poor girl has announced her Annorexia to all the other girls at school, she has cuts all up and down her arms, she had self-inflicted scratches and scars all over her arms and legs. But somehow, all of this was my daughter's fault and MY fault for "ALLOWING" this to happen. (For the record, my daughter's party went on and the girls had a blast after the drama left... AND... My daughter was also punished for her actions for weeks.)
Now... Notice that both incidents involved a cell phone. Did we have cell phones when we were 12 years old? NO! We were lucky if we got to talk on the house phone for more than 30 minutes! I wasn't allowed to even answer the phone, and when it was for me, my mother was asking "Who's calling" and saying "You have 5... or 10... minutes then you better be off." That's just how it was!!! We also didn't have computers. We didn't have myspace or instant messengers... we had the house phone... or a pay phone if we were lucky enough to find 25cents, or 50 cents! The handbook for our schools very clearly state that cellphones are PROHIBITED. So tell me... why are there so many kids in school with a cell phone in their bags or pockets? I have taken my kids' cell phones. I don't think they should be allowed enough rope to get so far from my authority that they might need one. What in the WORLD and HOW in the WORLD did we do/survive when WE were their ages??? We relied on the schools to call our parents if there was a need, and our parents relied on the schools to be sure they contacted them if there was a need. My mother made sure she knew exactly where I was, who I was with, how I got there, and when and how I would be home! I pay my taxes for our schools to be a safe place for our children. Just like our parents did when we went to school. I never went to school in fear (unless it was b/c I was in trouble for skipping the day before when I was in HIGH school!!!). I never worried about violence in our schools. Don't get me wrong... there were plenty of fights.. CLEAN fights and stupid fights. Silly fights... retarded fights.. Just little stuff. No one ever cracked anyone's head open, no one pulled a knife out on another, no one brought their guns in the school (even tho they were in their trucks if they were deer hunters) but we never had the comcern for that. No one would DARE act that way.
It's the parenting. And I'm just as guilty. I'm not half as strict as my mother was and I'm reaping the benefits. But when children become a danger to others and they're only 12 years old, parents should be able to do SOMEthing to help control their actions and see to it that they are punished for them. Even though my daughter was retaliating/defending (whatever), she was STILL severely punished. I felt bad in a way for punishing her for defending herself, but I also don't want her to think that violence is the answer to all of their problems. Girls are slapping each other across the face in the halls and classrooms and on the buses. But what do the drivers do? They ignore it and hope it will go away, they act like they don't see it so they don't have to deal with it, and can't wait to get home from their jobs. I don't blame them... I would want to get home too. But if the wrong types of authority figures are in our children's lives, we aren't going to see our children get any better. Parents need to get their heads out of their rear ends and realize that they're children ARE NOT PERFECT and learn to tell them NO every now and then... even punish them every now and then!!! Being in denial about your childrens' actions or feelings is only going to hurt your child, not you, not the people your child comes into contact with, but the CHILD!! Their lives are going to end up so dysfunctional and dellusional. Parents in denial are only giving their children that much more ammunition to continue the violence that's going on in our school system.
If you don't believe our Union Co. Schools are in serious trouble, talk to your child... ask a friend... call the school and demand statistics. This is getting out of control. Most of these "problem children" are only problems because their parents don't want to take the time to teach them different and are too busy with their drugs and alcohol to care. DFCS comes in, slaps them on the wrist, takes the child for a week, then sends the child back to the parent only to be pushed away. The girl I spoke of that had the fight with my daughter, I FEEL, was trying to reach out for attention and some help. She was reaching out to be accepted for some reason. She's a beautiful young lady. I don't understand all the drama our kids are facing now. All I know is that it's spiraling out of control and if we don't do something about it NOW... someone is going to have to REALLY get hurt, or sadly enough, die... to make people open their eyes to the severity of this matter.
God KNOWS I'm NOT a perfect parent. I fail my children daily. And having a child with A.D.D., I cannot say that he's the perfect child. He's NOT, by FAR! He's been in his fair share of trouble and been in fights with other kids his age. I don't understand why they feel they have to prove themselves to be "tough" in front of others. I hear 4th and 5th grade kids talk about how they're in "gangs" on the playground and they pick people to beat up each day. WHY CAN'T WE SEE THIS?? I'm honestly reaching out to all of you for help. I'm not bashing parents... I'm not bashing kids... I'm so upset by the way our kids are having to live day to day in our schools. The internet and telephones have been cut down to an EXTREME MINIMUM in MY home and will be until they grow up and move out on their own. If I feel they're abusing their priveleges, I'll take them away COMPLETELY. Websites that allow videos of children hurting each other, or even hurting themselves, are destroying our kids' futures!!! WAKE UP BLAIRSVILLE!! We're not sheltered in these mountains anymore. Things have crept into our town as well.
imadandy
Don't ask God to guide your footsteps unless you're willing to walk!
She proceeded to tell me this story: During school, there were 4 girls who walked into the bathroom. They all went into the last stall, the largest one, and started literally beating the crap out of each other. One had a girl by her hair and was banging her head into the concrete wall. All the while, there was a girl with her camera/cell phone who was video'ing the entire thing. This had been premeditated in order to put the video on YouTube and MySpace. One girl suffered some severe head injuries. This action was heard in the hallway and a teacher responded. This teacher immediately figured out what they were doing with the video and deleted from the girl's cell phone.
Now! Unfortunately, I know one of the attackers and have known her since she was a small baby. I also knew a couple of the others from previous friendships with my daughter. I have seen first-hand how easily a fight can break out between girls. This is something that has been happening since the beginning of time. Even my own daughter was in a fist fight at her own birthday party when slapped between the eyes with a ring that left a red dot on her forehead. She retaliated and I had to break them up. Needless to say, I was very upset, disappointed, hurt, scared, and really worried about the poor girl she had just beat up. I want everyone to understand this... this girl that came to the party said she wasn't coming so my daughter thought it would be okay to go ahead and invite other girls who were not very good friends of hers. When her and her mother showed up at my door, I was quite surprised, but glad that she had came and was happy to see her mother after all these years out of school. Her mother and I had always had a really good friendship in school as well as when we saw each other out in public. Her daughter turned around and called her boyfriend on her cell phone and had his mother drop him off in my driveway without my permission. When I realized he was there, (I was busy cooking for the girls), I immediately told my daughter to tell her to have him leave. When she found the girl, she was in my daughter's bedroom, IN THE FLOOR, with her boyfriend!!! My daughter was very upset and told her to get him out of her room and to call his mom to come get him because she was getting her into trouble with ME. When she said this, the girl reached up and back-handed my daughter between the eyes and told her "GO TO H**L". Welp... that's all it took. She jerked her up out of that floor and proceeded to beat her tail. NO... I DO NOT CONDONE THIS ACTION! I was HORRIFIED and extremely upset. I had just had surgery in February on my back and was still supposed to be in bed at this point in my recovery. But I wanted my daughter to have a nice party with her friends. With LORD KNOWS HOW MANY stitches still in my lower back, I ran up the stairs and dragged my daughter off of her and sent her to her room. This girl kept saying she was so sorry and that she didn't mean to and for me to please not tell her mom. I took her downstairs and sat down with her to call her Mom to come pick her up. We talked until her Mom got there. During this time, she was constantly rubbing her neck with her hands making her neck red. I asked her why she was doing that and she told me it was what she does when she's nervous. I apologized for my daughter's behavior toward her and she kept saying over and over, "no, it's my fault, I'm sorry..." and cried her eyes out. I told her that I don't allow things like that in my home, therefore, she had to leave.
Then? Her parents showed up. When her Mom came in the door, she immediately asked me what happened. As I started explaining to her what her daughter had done to mine, she immediately brushed me off and asked her daughter to tell her "the real story". Her daughter stood there right to her face and said, "I don't know why she did it...(crying)... I was just sitting in her room looking at her posters and she started beating me up for no reason". When I heard that, my jaw dropped! I said, "No, please "..", tell her the truth just like you and all the others told me just a few seconds ago!" Her mother immediately got in my face and said, "MY DAUGHTER DOES NOT LIE PAIGE!!!!!!!" God knows, I had to stand there and represent in front of those other kids that violence wasn't the answer, but I was so angry, it took all that I had to do so. Her mother started on and on about her perfect daughter all the while, her daughter was standing there glaring at mine. I let it go. I told her politely to leave and never come back on my property. That poor girl has announced her Annorexia to all the other girls at school, she has cuts all up and down her arms, she had self-inflicted scratches and scars all over her arms and legs. But somehow, all of this was my daughter's fault and MY fault for "ALLOWING" this to happen. (For the record, my daughter's party went on and the girls had a blast after the drama left... AND... My daughter was also punished for her actions for weeks.)
Now... Notice that both incidents involved a cell phone. Did we have cell phones when we were 12 years old? NO! We were lucky if we got to talk on the house phone for more than 30 minutes! I wasn't allowed to even answer the phone, and when it was for me, my mother was asking "Who's calling" and saying "You have 5... or 10... minutes then you better be off." That's just how it was!!! We also didn't have computers. We didn't have myspace or instant messengers... we had the house phone... or a pay phone if we were lucky enough to find 25cents, or 50 cents! The handbook for our schools very clearly state that cellphones are PROHIBITED. So tell me... why are there so many kids in school with a cell phone in their bags or pockets? I have taken my kids' cell phones. I don't think they should be allowed enough rope to get so far from my authority that they might need one. What in the WORLD and HOW in the WORLD did we do/survive when WE were their ages??? We relied on the schools to call our parents if there was a need, and our parents relied on the schools to be sure they contacted them if there was a need. My mother made sure she knew exactly where I was, who I was with, how I got there, and when and how I would be home! I pay my taxes for our schools to be a safe place for our children. Just like our parents did when we went to school. I never went to school in fear (unless it was b/c I was in trouble for skipping the day before when I was in HIGH school!!!). I never worried about violence in our schools. Don't get me wrong... there were plenty of fights.. CLEAN fights and stupid fights. Silly fights... retarded fights.. Just little stuff. No one ever cracked anyone's head open, no one pulled a knife out on another, no one brought their guns in the school (even tho they were in their trucks if they were deer hunters) but we never had the comcern for that. No one would DARE act that way.
It's the parenting. And I'm just as guilty. I'm not half as strict as my mother was and I'm reaping the benefits. But when children become a danger to others and they're only 12 years old, parents should be able to do SOMEthing to help control their actions and see to it that they are punished for them. Even though my daughter was retaliating/defending (whatever), she was STILL severely punished. I felt bad in a way for punishing her for defending herself, but I also don't want her to think that violence is the answer to all of their problems. Girls are slapping each other across the face in the halls and classrooms and on the buses. But what do the drivers do? They ignore it and hope it will go away, they act like they don't see it so they don't have to deal with it, and can't wait to get home from their jobs. I don't blame them... I would want to get home too. But if the wrong types of authority figures are in our children's lives, we aren't going to see our children get any better. Parents need to get their heads out of their rear ends and realize that they're children ARE NOT PERFECT and learn to tell them NO every now and then... even punish them every now and then!!! Being in denial about your childrens' actions or feelings is only going to hurt your child, not you, not the people your child comes into contact with, but the CHILD!! Their lives are going to end up so dysfunctional and dellusional. Parents in denial are only giving their children that much more ammunition to continue the violence that's going on in our school system.
If you don't believe our Union Co. Schools are in serious trouble, talk to your child... ask a friend... call the school and demand statistics. This is getting out of control. Most of these "problem children" are only problems because their parents don't want to take the time to teach them different and are too busy with their drugs and alcohol to care. DFCS comes in, slaps them on the wrist, takes the child for a week, then sends the child back to the parent only to be pushed away. The girl I spoke of that had the fight with my daughter, I FEEL, was trying to reach out for attention and some help. She was reaching out to be accepted for some reason. She's a beautiful young lady. I don't understand all the drama our kids are facing now. All I know is that it's spiraling out of control and if we don't do something about it NOW... someone is going to have to REALLY get hurt, or sadly enough, die... to make people open their eyes to the severity of this matter.
God KNOWS I'm NOT a perfect parent. I fail my children daily. And having a child with A.D.D., I cannot say that he's the perfect child. He's NOT, by FAR! He's been in his fair share of trouble and been in fights with other kids his age. I don't understand why they feel they have to prove themselves to be "tough" in front of others. I hear 4th and 5th grade kids talk about how they're in "gangs" on the playground and they pick people to beat up each day. WHY CAN'T WE SEE THIS?? I'm honestly reaching out to all of you for help. I'm not bashing parents... I'm not bashing kids... I'm so upset by the way our kids are having to live day to day in our schools. The internet and telephones have been cut down to an EXTREME MINIMUM in MY home and will be until they grow up and move out on their own. If I feel they're abusing their priveleges, I'll take them away COMPLETELY. Websites that allow videos of children hurting each other, or even hurting themselves, are destroying our kids' futures!!! WAKE UP BLAIRSVILLE!! We're not sheltered in these mountains anymore. Things have crept into our town as well.
imadandy
Don't ask God to guide your footsteps unless you're willing to walk!
