What's happening in our SCHOOLS?

[imadandy]

My daughter, 12 years old, came home from school on Thursday telling the worst horror I've ever heard in our local school systems. I know that times are changing, I can deal with that, I know that generations of parents have changed, I can deal with that as well. But when violence enters our schools in a way such as this, it's time for someone to stand up and say something and show these kids that we're not playing and we won't stand for it.

She proceeded to tell me this story: During school, there were 4 girls who walked into the bathroom. They all went into the last stall, the largest one, and started literally beating the crap out of each other. One had a girl by her hair and was banging her head into the concrete wall. All the while, there was a girl with her camera/cell phone who was video'ing the entire thing. This had been premeditated in order to put the video on YouTube and MySpace. One girl suffered some severe head injuries. This action was heard in the hallway and a teacher responded. This teacher immediately figured out what they were doing with the video and deleted from the girl's cell phone.

Now! Unfortunately, I know one of the attackers and have known her since she was a small baby. I also knew a couple of the others from previous friendships with my daughter. I have seen first-hand how easily a fight can break out between girls. This is something that has been happening since the beginning of time. Even my own daughter was in a fist fight at her own birthday party when slapped between the eyes with a ring that left a red dot on her forehead. She retaliated and I had to break them up. Needless to say, I was very upset, disappointed, hurt, scared, and really worried about the poor girl she had just beat up. I want everyone to understand this... this girl that came to the party said she wasn't coming so my daughter thought it would be okay to go ahead and invite other girls who were not very good friends of hers. When her and her mother showed up at my door, I was quite surprised, but glad that she had came and was happy to see her mother after all these years out of school. Her mother and I had always had a really good friendship in school as well as when we saw each other out in public. Her daughter turned around and called her boyfriend on her cell phone and had his mother drop him off in my driveway without my permission. When I realized he was there, (I was busy cooking for the girls), I immediately told my daughter to tell her to have him leave. When she found the girl, she was in my daughter's bedroom, IN THE FLOOR, with her boyfriend!!! My daughter was very upset and told her to get him out of her room and to call his mom to come get him because she was getting her into trouble with ME. When she said this, the girl reached up and back-handed my daughter between the eyes and told her "GO TO H**L". Welp... that's all it took. She jerked her up out of that floor and proceeded to beat her tail. NO... I DO NOT CONDONE THIS ACTION! I was HORRIFIED and extremely upset. I had just had surgery in February on my back and was still supposed to be in bed at this point in my recovery. But I wanted my daughter to have a nice party with her friends. With LORD KNOWS HOW MANY stitches still in my lower back, I ran up the stairs and dragged my daughter off of her and sent her to her room. This girl kept saying she was so sorry and that she didn't mean to and for me to please not tell her mom. I took her downstairs and sat down with her to call her Mom to come pick her up. We talked until her Mom got there. During this time, she was constantly rubbing her neck with her hands making her neck red. I asked her why she was doing that and she told me it was what she does when she's nervous. I apologized for my daughter's behavior toward her and she kept saying over and over, "no, it's my fault, I'm sorry..." and cried her eyes out. I told her that I don't allow things like that in my home, therefore, she had to leave.

Then? Her parents showed up. When her Mom came in the door, she immediately asked me what happened. As I started explaining to her what her daughter had done to mine, she immediately brushed me off and asked her daughter to tell her "the real story". Her daughter stood there right to her face and said, "I don't know why she did it...(crying)... I was just sitting in her room looking at her posters and she started beating me up for no reason". When I heard that, my jaw dropped! I said, "No, please "..", tell her the truth just like you and all the others told me just a few seconds ago!" Her mother immediately got in my face and said, "MY DAUGHTER DOES NOT LIE !!!!!!!" God knows, I had to stand there and represent in front of those other kids that violence wasn't the answer, but I was so angry, it took all that I had to do so. Her mother started on and on about her perfect daughter all the while, her daughter was standing there glaring at mine. I let it go. I told her politely to leave and never come back on my property. That poor girl has announced her Annorexia to all the other girls at school, she has cuts all up and down her arms, she had self-inflicted scratches and scars all over her arms and legs. But somehow, all of this was my daughter's fault and MY fault for "ALLOWING" this to happen. (For the record, my daughter's party went on and the girls had a blast after the drama left... AND... My daughter was also punished for her actions for weeks.)

Now... Notice that both incidents involved a cell phone. Did we have cell phones when we were 12 years old? NO! We were lucky if we got to talk on the house phone for more than 30 minutes! I wasn't allowed to even answer the phone, and when it was for me, my mother was asking "Who's calling" and saying "You have 5... or 10... minutes then you better be off." That's just how it was!!! We also didn't have computers. We didn't have myspace or instant messengers... we had the house phone... or a pay phone if we were lucky enough to find 25cents, or 50 cents! The handbook for our schools very clearly state that cellphones are PROHIBITED. So tell me... why are there so many kids in school with a cell phone in their bags or pockets? I have taken my kids' cell phones. I don't think they should be allowed enough rope to get so far from my authority that they might need one. What in the WORLD and HOW in the WORLD did we do/survive when WE were their ages??? We relied on the schools to call our parents if there was a need, and our parents relied on the schools to be sure they contacted them if there was a need. My mother made sure she knew exactly where I was, who I was with, how I got there, and when and how I would be home! I pay my taxes for our schools to be a safe place for our children. Just like our parents did when we went to school. I never went to school in fear (unless it was b/c I was in trouble for skipping the day before when I was in HIGH school!!!). I never worried about violence in our schools. Don't get me wrong... there were plenty of fights.. CLEAN fights and stupid fights. Silly fights... retarded fights.. Just little stuff. No one ever cracked anyone's head open, no one pulled a knife out on another, no one brought their guns in the school (even tho they were in their trucks if they were deer hunters) but we never had the comcern for that. No one would DARE act that way.

It's the parenting. And I'm just as guilty. I'm not half as strict as my mother was and I'm reaping the benefits. But when children become a danger to others and they're only 12 years old, parents should be able to do SOMEthing to help control their actions and see to it that they are punished for them. Even though my daughter was retaliating/defending (whatever), she was STILL severely punished. I felt bad in a way for punishing her for defending herself, but I also don't want her to think that violence is the answer to all of their problems. Girls are slapping each other across the face in the halls and classrooms and on the buses. But what do the drivers do? They ignore it and hope it will go away, they act like they don't see it so they don't have to deal with it, and can't wait to get home from their jobs. I don't blame them... I would want to get home too. But if the wrong types of authority figures are in our children's lives, we aren't going to see our children get any better. Parents need to get their heads out of their rear ends and realize that they're children ARE NOT PERFECT and learn to tell them NO every now and then... even punish them every now and then!!! Being in denial about your childrens' actions or feelings is only going to hurt your child, not you, not the people your child comes into contact with, but the CHILD!! Their lives are going to end up so dysfunctional and dellusional. Parents in denial are only giving their children that much more ammunition to continue the violence that's going on in our school system.

If you don't believe our Union Co. Schools are in serious trouble, talk to your child... ask a friend... call the school and demand statistics. This is getting out of control. Most of these "problem children" are only problems because their parents don't want to take the time to teach them different and are too busy with their drugs and alcohol to care. DFCS comes in, slaps them on the wrist, takes the child for a week, then sends the child back to the parent only to be pushed away. The girl I spoke of that had the fight with my daughter, I FEEL, was trying to reach out for attention and some help. She was reaching out to be accepted for some reason. She's a beautiful young lady. I don't understand all the drama our kids are facing now. All I know is that it's spiraling out of control and if we don't do something about it NOW... someone is going to have to REALLY get hurt, or sadly enough, die... to make people open their eyes to the severity of this matter.

God KNOWS I'm NOT a perfect parent. I fail my children daily. And having a child with A.D.D., I cannot say that he's the perfect child. He's NOT, by FAR! He's been in his fair share of trouble and been in fights with other kids his age. I don't understand why they feel they have to prove themselves to be "tough" in front of others. I hear 4th and 5th grade kids talk about how they're in "gangs" on the playground and they pick people to beat up each day. WHY CAN'T WE SEE THIS?? I'm honestly reaching out to all of you for help. I'm not bashing parents... I'm not bashing kids... I'm so upset by the way our kids are having to live day to day in our schools. The internet and telephones have been cut down to an EXTREME MINIMUM in MY home and will be until they grow up and move out on their own. If I feel they're abusing their priveleges, I'll take them away COMPLETELY. Websites that allow videos of children hurting each other, or even hurting themselves, are destroying our kids' futures!!! WAKE UP BLAIRSVILLE!! We're not sheltered in these mountains anymore. Things have crept into our town as well.

There was a fight at the Football game (the very first one!) and there was a HUGE fight at the 5th/6th grade "Back to School Dance" this Friday night!!! The cops were called, my son was injured by a flying punch meant for someone else, and all the kids were checked for weapons!!!!!!!!!!! I'm afraid to let my children GO TO SCHOOL FUNCTIONS without me being there with them to hold their hands!! That's why we pay our taxes.. to keep things like this from happening!!! The school SEES this problem but what are they DOING to fix it?

Last year, my kids were beat up on the bus by some well-known kids in our area. They stole their bicycles out of our front yard, and were caught trying to break into my home while my husband and I were gone to take our youngest son to ball practice. Imagine my horror when I got a call from the oldest two who were hiding in my bathroom because one of the kids was trying to break into my home!! They had to call 911~
When are people/PARENTS going to STOP THIS MESS and BE PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shortcircuit]

If I had did anything like that when I was a kid I would have got my tail beaten with a belt and I would know never to do it again. I think that's the problem, parents need to be parents, not buddies.

[summerose]

Some parents and I use that term loosely, act as though they are afraid of their kids. If children aren't disciplined at an early age, you will reap the rewards big time, I know I've seen it happen! When they reach the late teens you will be visiting them in the jailhouse!

I sure didn't know that things were that bad in this school system. That is very scary!!!

[braindead]

The sad part is that bullies and fighting in schools has been around for hundreds of years. As long as there are bullies, fights will continue to be in our schools and I, for one, do not see it ending. I was stalked and intimidated for several of my years in High School by the pot smokers because I told a teacher that they were smoking it in the girls dressing room. Why should we have to inhale their stuff and contaminate our lungs. I was doing a good deed but it made my years in High School rough and this was twenty-five years ago. I was always afraid to go around that next corner or in the bathroom as I never knew when they were going to gang up on me. They never beat me up but they made my life a living hell. So, we know for a fact that this is not new to our school system. The only difference is that it is our children now that we cannot protect once they are on school property out of our sight. I don't know that there will ever be an answer to this problem except to have hall patrols (adults) constantly watching and listening. When the teachers involve the kids, it puts the kids in jeapordy of the bullies so it becomes a losing battle.

[imadandy]

All of you are absolutely right.

And the one thing that I TOTALLY agree on is that parents have become too slack on their kids. However! It's hard to punish your children without DFCS or the schools screaming "Child Abuse" or your children even using it AGAINST you! I don't believe in hurting a child. Child abuse is a very REAL problem in the US but giving your child a good butt busting never hurt ANYONE! If it did, how on earth did WE survive!?! I remember when I was young, I had to go break that hickory off the tree that my daddy was going to stripe my legs with because I was talking in Church! I didn't die from it and I learned NOT to talk in Church QUICK! I was AFRAID of my mom and dad, but not afraid they would HURT ME... afraid they would PUNISH me. And the fear wasn't so great that I hated them... I LOVED and RESPECTED my parents and STILL DO! We don't see this in families anymore. Just a few days ago, my son got in trouble at school for calling this little boy names and the boy got enough and knocked him a good one... serves him RIGHT! BUT... This only pushed him to retaliate and start back. When he got home, he got a "wake-up call" and I mean it. His father and I sat him down and explained why we were going to punish him and that we love him and want him to be a good person and respect others. He knows we love him and want the best for him. But that didn't stop the black leather belt! And ya know what?? He's been walking the "straight and narrow" every single day SINCE! I made him call the little boy's parents and apologize to THEM and then to their son. THIS is PUNISHMENT! And I'll continue to do this until he sees that his actions will not be tolerated. But when our government decided to take control of our kids instead of us, they made life harder for them. It's not right that we can't spank our children. My child would LOVE for me to put him in time-out! That way, he doesn't have to reap the rewards of his actions. He would love to be grounded instead... but what from? He's 11 years OLD! The only thing I can take from him is TV. Thank GOD he's not interested in the computer. He'd rather be playing ball or riding dirtbikes. And I'm PROUD of that!!
I would love nothing more than to blame our school systems or our government for the things our children are facing today... but the reality is the generations of parenting is what has changed our children and their respect for others (and the lack thereof). Parents are trying to be FRIENDS with their children, (I've been guilty in the past) and trying to pass off their children to just anyone so they don't have to deal with them. I've had troubled kids in my home only because they were scared to go home. I LOVE my kids with all of my heart and there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do for them... but justifying their actions or pretending there's not a problem there, just isn't something I'm willing to do. That's not good for our kids and their futures. When I was young, I knew my parents were going to punish me if I did wrong and I feared that. I respected them and everyone else around me. I was taught that as a small child. Alot of girls become pregnant from promiscuity and don't even know who the fathers of these kids are. They leave them with grandparents to let them do the hard work while they're out living their lives. So many factors fit into these children's lives and the way their being raised. When there's no respect in the home, there's no respect outside of the home. I will demand and I will GET respect from my children and will NEVER fear them. They will never be too big for ME to handle. But they know who's in charge and they know I won't stand for certain things and they respect me for that.

Braindead: I've been there! I know exactly what you're talking about. I had the same thing happen to ME. Although it was different reasoning. My mom took me to a football game with one of my friends one Friday night when I was 14 years old, in 8th grade. We sat right beside her the whole entire night because I didn't DARE get away from HER! She made sure of that. She meant to keep me out of trouble and she DID! She never gave me an INCH! But, anyway, one of the cheerleaders at the football game saw her boyfriend walk up to my friend and I and sit down beside my friend. I was in the middle of my mom and my friend. The guy talks a few minutes, then goes on about his business. For 2 YEARS, I was stalked by her and her friends because she was telling everyone that I was "drunk and hanging all over her boyfriend at the football game". That couldn't be any FURTHER from the TRUTH! I was with MY MOTHER! And he didn't even sit NEXT TO ME! In 9th and 10th grade, this girl shoved her friends into me in the hallways, she tripped me in the halls and I would fall with my books flying everywhere, she gave me dirty looks, called me names, had a friend of hers slap me in the face one day, then finally, after 2 years of this and she was a senior, she pushed it too far. I was a cheerleader for a different sport and had all my things in my locker. When I got to school one morning, she had been in my locker, spray painted everything in it green, my uniform, my blue jean jacket (brand new) and all of my books... I couldn't stand it anymore. When I walked by her homeroom class trying to fight back tears, her and a friend of hers were heckling me from their desks and saying some very UGLY things to me. I finally walked into that classroom, grabbed her by the hair, pulled her into the hallway, and proceeded to... well... yah... I got suspended. BUT! After that day? She never said another word to me. She never even looked my WAY. But it's sad that it had to take THAT to get her off my back. I had been to the principle, the counselor, to teachers.... no one did anything because of her "NAME" and who her family was in our community. So I ended it myself. Am I PROUD of that?? NO... But I AM proud that I finally learned how to stand up for myself and not take that abuse anymore. Bullies will always be in our schools... but the TYPE of bullying that's going on now is much worse and more harsh than it's ever been before. For two years of my high school life, I was MISERABLE.. and she made SURE of it. For something I didn't even DO! I tried talking to her in the counselor's office and told her that... but she just needed someone to pick on, I guess. But that ended, thank God.

Just recently I saw this same girl who is now a mother herself and has moved on with her life and has become very successful. I tried to speak to her, and all I got was that same old dirty hateful look I used to get in the hallways at school. Just knowing that she's a MOTHER and her children are learning from her is a sad thought. You would think she would have grown up by now. Some never do...

Okay... now that I've written another book, I'm going to leave ya'll with that. lol
I'm just a very concerned parent who is outraged by the way children treat each other and no one is doing anything about it.

[queenbee]

posted on bcity 9-2006 by me

Today I pulled my child from the Union County School System.

The verbal bullying has turned into physical bullying. We have followed all of the procedures and "school policies" on reporting the incidents and it has not stopped. The principal and teachers have down the very best they can but can't watch every child, every minute because kids are sneaky.

The harassment started the 2nd day of school and my child has only had 3 nice days at school, which is sad because she was really looking forward to going and enjoying her school year.

I have spoken to parents and they either won't or can't control their child.

What is really bad is that the majority of the group is not from this area. Two local children are involved and have told my child that if they don't participate they will be treated just like my child.

Two different times she was assaulted and it was caught on video tape. These "children" blame my child because they were acting stupid and got caught on tape. The 2nd physical incident was started by a bullying child AGAIN CAUGHT ON VIDEOTAPE!!!! and when my child defended herself against the attack the bullies verbally threatened her for defending herself.

I am an adult and I am ready to go to school and beat up some 12 & 13 year old kids, how bad is that.

So now I have to pay public school taxes and private school tuition.

[queenbee]

The very girl involved in my post above now has a reputation for "oral socializing" in the restrooms at school. I hope it's not true, but it wouldn't surprise me.

How do kid's in school know about this but the teachers don't.

Girls are much more crueler than boys and they can't let anything go. My daughter lilred had an issue with an ANNIE (aneroxic sp?) at her private school and this girl calls kids in the public school system and starts crap about her. I have a drama queen soccer mom call me all carried away telling me how perfect this annie and her daughter are, when in fact the girl has been hospitalized and force fed with a tube and is failing private school becuase she doesn't care and is lazy and lies.

She is back in the public school system now, so consider yourself warned.

My daughter also has a friend who we let come over a little and I supervise them, she's not allowed over there. My daughter ask why I don't like her and I said"I like her, I don't like her ways." This girl's mother would die if she saw her wonderful daughters myspace page.

I actually had lilred to tell a few of her friends to stop sending her the crap bullentins she get's, I would love to post them on here.

I am one of the bad mom's who will spank if it's necessary. I also yell at my kids when they do something stupid and tell them how stupid it was when they did it. I have never, ever done "time out". Do parents really think the kid's are learnign anything from sitting in a chair for 10 minutes, besides it didn't work for lilred. Her aunt put her in time out and she took her shoes off and throwed them at her and said she didn't like her anymore" Of course she was 3 or 4. But I don't believe in time out.

I can just see them sitting there thinking about the odds of how long they will have to sit still the next time they do something wrong and if each incident will make them sit there a little longer. Kids are devious.

[admin]

The bullying and girl fights are a national phenomenon caused by bad parenting. If the guilty parties are allowed to continually bully other kids, its the school's fault.

[queenbee]

AMEN ADMIN

[The Marshal]

Wouldn't take me but five minutes to straighten out the mess at the local school house!

[AskTheWiseOldMan]

Thankfully my daughter is grown and is finishing her residency at MCG so I don't have the same perspective as a Towns/Union parent. But I do have a perspective on the state of teens in Union, as I employed 20-30 of them at a time as long as I could stand it.

Eventually, after a dealing with a decade of dishonesty we closed shop. Out of the 100 or so we hired over the years, there were very few who were trustworthy. We learned the hard way to NEVER hire anyone with a parent in management at *You know which bank*. We were forced to adopt that policy because invariably they had no concept of the difference between right and wrong... and neither did their children.

[summerose]

That is sad, WOM!

[shortcircuit]

Wiseman, the old saying is true in most cases: The apple never falls far from the tree.