Chit Chat Off Topic

[tessa]

Hmmm...I have 5 out of the 7 from time to time.

[summerose]

;D ;D ;D

[queenbee]

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YA'LL BUT I AM BITCHY, SWEATY AND PSYCHO.

;D

[queenbee]

Menopause means . . . trading the fear of pregnancy for the greater fear of a man with a Viagra prescription.

Menopause means . . . becoming intimately familiar with the shopping channel hosts populating the airwaves at 3:30 a.m.

"Menopause means . . . breaking down in sobs at the checkout counter when you realize you love Costco more than your husband."

[tessa]

In order...bitchy, sleepy, forgetful and psycho with a sweaty thrown in when I'm least expecting it like the middle of the night and the internal furnace comes on with a blast. Lucky for me, it's over with in about 30 seconds.

[queenbee]

[queenbee]

Q: How many women in MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

Woman's Answer: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Bec! ause no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YE ARS ! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DA! YS LATE R, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES
THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!!
I'm sorry. What was the question?

[queenbee]

I HAVE THIS ONE ON MY DESK

[queenbee]

If menopause is the finish line...peri-menopause is the twisting, turning rollercoaster ride to get there.

Peri-menopause is the time leading up to menopause. It's like the physical, and often emotional countdown to your ovaries shutting down. I can just hear my inner organs counting it down, "Complete ovary shutdown in five, four, three...."

Before peri-menopause, my PMS was pretty uneventful. My family had no clue what was in store for the peri-years. Now PMS could stand for anything on any given day...Pretty Mean SOB, Probable Murder Suspect, Pathetic Moody Specimen, Petulant Mom Screamer...it's a good week to get "alone" time every month.

I guess it's good that the old ovaries go out with a flair. Like a shooting star, perhaps, blazing across the night sky before fading into cosmic dust.

Who knows what that star is screaming up there before she disintegrates. If it's anything like me, she might say, "Get out of my way you *&$#@ as-teroid! You think you own this space?!"

Or, "Oh *sniffle* look how pretty the Earth is with all the blue and white *sniffle* it makes me want to cry!! *waahahaa!*"

Or..."Look! It's Pluto, so lonely, so cold - is it hot in here? Open a window or something."

If my ovaries could talk, maybe they'd toast each other with shots of tequila they stole from my liver and say, "Whew. I'm beat. But hey, it was a good run, wasn't it? Can't wait for retirement. God knows we earned it."

I hear ya, ovaries, loud and clear. Pass the tequila, here's to you. Party like it's 1999. You done good.

[coosa]

Tessa, are you still going thru menopause??

[tessa]

Yes since I stopped Premarin a couple of years ago. (Doubt Hubby can tell the difference...especially the bitchy/psycho part!)

[queenbee]

Grumpy said he didn't care what it cost for me to get something.
He doesn't know if I will choke him or cry.

[coosa]

There must be something wrong with me!!

[sangria]

No, your ovaries are just sealed with a protective coating of animal fat due to eating a hamburger every day.

[queenbee]