A STUNNING SENIOR MOMENT

[admin]

A STUNNING SENIOR MOMENT

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent
football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior
citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older
generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive
one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby
to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television,
jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ....and," pausing to take
another drink of beer.

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little nincompoop, what are you doing for the next generation?"

The applause was resounding...

[honeybee]

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup
of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be
almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat
by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember
to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives then you
will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools:WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct
tape.

Also, remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

If you shop anywhere but Wal Mart, you are just showing off!

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan

[summerose]

TAXICAB CONFESSIONS

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver, so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lampost, and came to a stop inches from a show window.

The startled passenger said, "I didn't mean to frighten you-just wanted to ask you something."

The taxi driver replied, "Not your fault, sir. It's my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years."

[honeybee]

Good one rose!

[summerose]

Thanks Bee!