Lamar Paris Jokes

[lightening]

How the Paris Administration Changes a Light Bulb

How many members of the Paris administration does it take to change a light bulb?

One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

One to attack the character of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

One to blame Harold Cook for burning out the light bulb;

One to administer a million dollar no-bid contract for the new light bulb;

One to arrange a photograph of Paris with the light bulb and declaring that Paris invented the light bulb.

And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the county.

[lightening]

Paris Goes For A Jog

Lamar Paris was out walking one morning in Meeks Park when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." Paris said, no problem, I can send you on the County expense account.

The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." Paris, said “Fine, I can use Splost money to get those for you.”

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" Paris is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are injured." The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!"

[lightening]

The Bet

Lamar Paris and Norm Cooper are watching the 6 o'clock news one evening. Cooper bets Paris $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump. "I'll take that bet," Paris replied.
A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. Cooper, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to Paris and tells him that he does not need to pay the $50.
"No, a bet's a bet," Paris replied, "I owe you $50 dollars."
Cooper, feeling even more guilty, replied, "No, you don't understand, I saw the 3:00 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out."
"That's okay," said Paris, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

[shortcircuit]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *gasps for air* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Thanks Lightening those were great!

[summerose]

Very funny! ;D

[wranger]

Here's one:



When Lamar and his wife first got married, Lamar said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." For 10 years, she never looked.

However, one afternoon , curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were three empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was curious as to why.

That evening they were out for dinner at Cobbs Mill. After dinner, she could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the cans in the box?"

Lamar thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

She was shocked and said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but temptation does happen and I guess that three times is not that bad considering the years." So they hugged and made their peace.

Then she asked Lamar, "So why do you have all that money in the box?" Lamar answered sheepishly, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the transfer station and redeemed them for cash."