Hillary Clinton jokes

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The Hottest Selling Political Bumper Sticker

Finally, a new bumper sticker for BOTH political parties.

This hottest selling political bumper sticker comes from New York State:

"RUN HILLARY RUN'

Democrats put it on the rear bumper.

Republicans put it on the front bumper.

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Bill at the chicken ranch...
One day while at the White House, the maid was cleaning the Oval Office's bird cage -- but, while she was doing it, the parrot flew out the window. The maid was scared that President Clinton would find out and she would be fired. So she went to the pet store and asked the clerk if they had any parrots similar to the one she had lost. The clerk said yes, they had one that looked just like it, but the bird had been in a whorehouse for three years. The maid figured it was better than nothing and bought it.

When she took it back to the White House she put the parrot back in the cage like nothing happened. Later that day, Hillary came in and the parrot said “Too old, too old” -- the First Lady was a bit peeved, but thought nothing of it.

A little bit after that Chelsea came in and the parrot said, “Too young, too young.”

A couple hours later, President Clinton came into the room and the bird chirped enthusiastically, “Hi Bill! Hi Bill!”

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Pregnant??!
Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked.

He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but that she was pregnant!

She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the White house. When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill right away.

Well, they rang the oval office and Bill answered. Hillary said, "Do you know what you did you rotten bastard? You got me pregnant!"

The president remained silent.

Again, Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!"

Bill finally answered, "Who is this?"

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Hillary in Heaven
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

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Top Ten Signs Hillary Clinton Doesn't Understand New York City
10 Actually ate a street vendor hot dog.

Sees Statue of Liberty and asks, "Oh, is that new?"

Believes the Mets can take it all the way this year.

Gave speech to Hasidic Jews in which she promised to "fight for the rights of you Amish folk."

Had an exploratory committee look into what an extended middle finger means.

Looks at Twin Towers, rubs eyes and yells, "Dang! Mama's seeing things!"

Keeps asking when she'll get to meet Batman.

Featured guest at her fundraisers: Reggie Miller.

Thinks the "subway" is just some place Bill takes her for their anniversary dinner.

1 Paid $25,000 for a sidewalk Rolex.

[summerose]

LOL! Thanks for sharing short.

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[summerose]

LOL! Now that is really funny!